hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
