I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
