God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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