I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
