If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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