Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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