haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
