Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
