Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
