I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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