She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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