I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
