"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
