Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
