I think I died a long time ago.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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