Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
