I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
