They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
