My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
