Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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