This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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