Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sext me about skeletons
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
