two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
