his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You dont lie about slip and slides
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
