return my video game
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
