If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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