Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
