He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
