we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
