just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
