i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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