Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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