he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
