She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
