She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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