I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
