Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
