we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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