U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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