my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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