Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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