and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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