Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
