I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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