I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
