The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
