I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
