So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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