the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
