A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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