i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
