My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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