my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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